when i was young
my dad always seemed angry about something
i didn’t know what…so i figured it was me
it’s taken many years to learn it wasn’t me…but that’s a different story
my dad passed away 19 years ago today…
right after his funeral i had this dream…
i was walking across a bridge…talking on the phone…
when the voice on the other end asked…
what was the nicest thing your dad ever did for you?
as i began to answer…in my dream…i flashed right back
6 years old…getting beat up…again…by richie milsovic
i knew when my dad saw the shape i was in he would tell me to go back out and keep fighting until i won…
i never won…
but this particular day i started to get the better of ole richie
maybe he was sick…maybe i was getting stronger…maybe it was luck
but i had him on the ropes…
i reached back with all my might…ready to land the knock out punch
glory in my sights…6 year old heavy weight champ of the block
i swung… he ducked…i slipped in the slime that ran down the middle of the red brick alley behind our house…i fell
richie jumped on me…pinning me with his knees on my shoulders
nothing more frustrating…uncle
i went into the house…slime covered…defeated again
my dad was on the couch…tired from working as a bricklayer all day
i got ready for the speech and humiliation…
but..instead…he said…come here buddy
he let me lay with him on the couch…and he held me and told me it was all right…
i told the voice on the other end of the line…this was the nicest thing my dad ever did for me…
i miss my dad
marchetti 10
I can relate Mark, that is a very sweet Story. I miss my Daddy too, we were very close “buddy’s” and he was my inspiration for my Music. Some people don’t realize that wonderful connection and inspiration from their Father, we were very lucky, weren’t we? God Bless you Mark.
thanks vikki
Thanks for sharing that, Mark. I don’t know the source of your Dad’s anger, but I know I have the same problem. I love my son dearly, and I also know that I’m angry about shit most of the time. I know my son knows I’m angry and I know sometimes he probably thinks he’s the reason I’m not happy. I need to make sure he knows that it’s not his fault I’m such an asshole…
just being aware of it helps i think eric…whenever i feel that anger i try to explain to my son and daughter it’s not them…we are only human..the best we an do is try…i don’t know what the hell i’m talking about…hang in there man…
I love you Mark. That was a wonderful blog
thanks…i love you
We’ve talked about these things before…..the similarities in our childhoods, the rage that our Fathers had carried for years before we were born that we felt responsible for…..verbal assaults and physical violence meant to humiliate and demoralize rather than to discipline or to right a wrong. The net result for most of us is a lifetime of second guessing everything we do, think…or dream….. and to feel unworthy of love, success or grace. The positive side of that is that we have three sons between us who will never ever be subjected to that sort of behavior on the scale that we were.
My Pop is now one of my best and most trusted friends and I cant begin to think the day when I will no longer hear his voice on the phone, but I know this day will come for me just as it has for others.
Thanks for the post….and for being a friend that I can count on.
All the best,
jw
thanks jim…my dad mellowed some also…it took alot of years for me to work it out and somedays it still sneaks up on me…but for the most part i am okay with all of it…i am grateful for my life these days…hope you are doing good…mark
What a lovely memory and dream Mark, and how cool that the Rock, Saint Peter, used the telephone to get in touch with you to have a chat. How 20Th century of him. I hope Saint Patrick, my patron saint, decides to ring me up some day!
it was a dream…he never told me who it was…i just thought it would be interesting if it was…it was probably my subconscious calling collect…